My diary

On our 2nd day in Dalat, we hired 2 scooters - D&T on one and myself on the other. Until this point, I had only ever observed the madness that is Vietnam city traffic but today was the day that I'd be caught up in it myself. To give you an idea of what it's like; traffic lights mean nothing, indicators mean nothing, roundabouts mean nothing and the majority of the bikes don't even have mirrors...basically just a free for all! We passed a car that actually played twinkle twinkle star as it reversed to let people know that it was there; not too sure what's wrong with a standard beeping sound but whatever floats your goat I guess. Over the course of the day we had seen a beautiful lake, Chinese temple, been in a cable car and somehow managed to drive our scooters down 2 sets of steps..! On arriving back to the hostel, Auntie Tracey informed me that I just had to try out the 'bum cleaning toilet' which also happened to have a heated seat. As I pressed the 'clean' button, I must have been sat in the wrong position because a powerful jet started spraying right up between my legs towards the ceiling...the worst bit was that it took me about 30 seconds to find the stop button amongst the hundreds of buttons on the controller!
Having witnessed my bus driver get off the bus to threaten someone with a crow bar, my journey out of Dalat and towards Nha Trang was a tense one.

Cody Varnish

49 chapters

The one where I fight with the toilet

April 10, 2018

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Dalat, Vietnam

On our 2nd day in Dalat, we hired 2 scooters - D&T on one and myself on the other. Until this point, I had only ever observed the madness that is Vietnam city traffic but today was the day that I'd be caught up in it myself. To give you an idea of what it's like; traffic lights mean nothing, indicators mean nothing, roundabouts mean nothing and the majority of the bikes don't even have mirrors...basically just a free for all! We passed a car that actually played twinkle twinkle star as it reversed to let people know that it was there; not too sure what's wrong with a standard beeping sound but whatever floats your goat I guess. Over the course of the day we had seen a beautiful lake, Chinese temple, been in a cable car and somehow managed to drive our scooters down 2 sets of steps..! On arriving back to the hostel, Auntie Tracey informed me that I just had to try out the 'bum cleaning toilet' which also happened to have a heated seat. As I pressed the 'clean' button, I must have been sat in the wrong position because a powerful jet started spraying right up between my legs towards the ceiling...the worst bit was that it took me about 30 seconds to find the stop button amongst the hundreds of buttons on the controller!
Having witnessed my bus driver get off the bus to threaten someone with a crow bar, my journey out of Dalat and towards Nha Trang was a tense one.



1.

The one where I'm unprepared

2.

The one where I people watch

3.

The one with the sweaty boys

4.

The one with the pickled slugs

5.

The one where I smell

6.

The one with pacing bears and bamboo grubs

7.

The one where I might have rabies

8.

The one with more Pad Thai

9.

The one with 762 curves

10.

The one with boobs

11.

The one with the wall of China

12.

The one where I'm full

13.

The one with the "cruise"

14.

The one with waterfalls

15.

The one with one too many waterfalls...

16.

The one where the bird dies

17.

The one with the Lao Lao

18.

The one where I discover bangers and mash

19.

The one with moody views

20.

The one with a girl, a bike and a big city

21.

The one where I'm offered a foetus kebab

22.

The one where I'm really lazy

23.

The one with dolphins in it

24.

The one with the virgin chicken

25.

The one where I eat a lot of pepper

26.

The one with the minty Carbonara

27.

The one where there's a bit o splash back

28.

The one where I'm at one with nature

29.

The one with the red chair restaurants

30.

The one with the disappointed tourists

31.

The one where it's not actually cake

32.

The one where I wait

33.

The one where I cross the border

34.

The one where there are tiny chairs at tiny tables

35.

The one where I fight with the toilet

36.

The one where there was "no roast duck" left

37.

The one with the fashionable poncho's

38.

The one with the broken scooter

39.

The one where I eat wild mushrooms

40.

The one where my kayak is full of coral

41.

The one with the giggling policemen

42.

The one where I am reunited with Pad Thai

43.

The one where everything is extortionate

44.

The one where I'm a bottomless pit

45.

The one where I apparently stink

46.

The one where he melted

47.

The one where Oasis perform live

48.

The one where my splinter is sterile

49.

The one where it comes to an end

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