Vietnam!

Please bear with me while I dissect the tour brochure to bring you a more authentic reality of the tour entitled, “A wonderful day Mekong Delta.”

Expectation: An unforgettable way of seeing Mekong Delta to drive along the provincial roads on the southern region of Vietnam through paddy fields, pineapple plantations and small hamlets.

Reality: squished on a small bus, you will be driven on a bumpy road while the driver beeps continuously at mopeds for the foreseeable future, additionally, a small child will be given a wooden toy that he will bang together for hours so that you will want to rip it from his teeny hands and beat his dad with it as punishment for making you endure the irritating sound. At times, you will somehow fall asleep during all of this and when you do wake, you will enjoy the lush expanse of countryside surrounding you.

Expectation: On the way you will have chance to visit Vinh Trang Pagoda- which is well known for its special architecture by the combination between western and eastern art.

Reality: The bus will pull up outside a beautiful temple and you will be given ten minutes to look at the three Buddhas there. This will be the only cultural experience you will do all day. Enjoy!

Expectation: after arriving in My tho city, the local motor boat will take you along Tien river for the sightseeing of fishing port, Miou bridge, stilt house, boat building workshop.

Reality: you will board a traditional boat and sail down the browning river, along the way the tour guard will put the sound system on full blast rendering you momentarily deaf and then he will share incomprehensible information with you about stuff you can’t really see.

Expectation: Arriving on unicorn island you will take a short trek to see fruit gardens and of course you will get the chance to enjoy tropical fruits and listen to Vietnamese traditional music- the unique kind of music which is performed only in this region of Vietnam.

Reality: before arriving on unicorn island you will be taken to a honey farm and pressured into buying honey related products you don’t want. Afterwards, you will be quickly ushered to a room where you will indeed be fed fruits as well as given a short performance of traditional Vietnamese music including the famous Vietnam jam of “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.” Here again, there is a whole array of stuff for you to buy that you don’t want or need.

Expectation: to continue, the rowing boat will carry you slowly through small canals which cover a peaceful and fresh air with full of water coconuts.

Reality: (let’s just pretend that made any sense) you will indeed continue via rowing boat through the small canals. You may even wear a traditional rice hat, the boat will be a peaceful and pleasant experience until the end where the helmsman will prod you in the back and demand a tip.

Expectation: The rowing boat will then take you to the motor boat which will drive you to Ben Tre province. Here you will experience the process of making coconut candy by skillful craftsman.

Reality: the rowing boat will take you to the motor boat and to the coconut factory. The Tourguide will be the one to demonstrate how some of the equipment works and then you will be able to sample a small piece. If you’re missing the likes of Asda or for our Australian visitors Coles, never fear because the remaining time will again be allocated to looking at stuff for sale.

Expectation: the horse car will take you along the village to discover daily activities of local people.

Reality: ... This never happened.
“I didn’t even see a horse!” Remarked Maartje (a girl you will meet and befriend on the tour.)

Expectation: now let’s continue on your journey by visiting Phoenix island which is famous for its coconut region and enjoy lunch at a local restaurant. After lunch you will have free time to explore the island (go fishing at the crocodile farm or take a riding trip around or sleep for a while on the hammock).

Reality: you will get a standard small lunch on the island. Following this you can explore the gardens and see a pen of too many crocodiles. As for fishing, you can but meat on a stick and dangle it down to tease the hungry crocs at the bottom. One person will spend such a monumental amount of time doing this, you will hope that he falls to his death into the mouth of the now furious hungry croc.

Missing from the original brochure is the highlight of the trip. You will be taken against your will to a bamboo “factory” you will look forward to seeing the interesting process of transforming such a hard material into a soft blanket of silky pair of pants. Instead, you will be ushered into a too cold room where you will have to endure a woman’s sales pitch of almost every item on display. Afterwards, you will get to spend another wasted half hour trudging through the shop where you will try to keep your spirits up by trying on stupid hats and finding the most hideous pair of underwear on display.

This is where your day will end and your evening will begin. We hope you enjoyed being overcharged and sent from shop to shop on our “unforgettable trip to Mekong!” You will sleep easy knowing we have more of the same awaiting you in the morning.