#Tuc-ingintothaiculture

So the morning began in a very stressful hunt for a massage! I was armed with a map. One straight road, too easy! Or so I thought. I was conned by a man in a motorised tricycle! Ah the tuctuc, a dangerous yet enjoyable way to get around the city! But I am being frugal! I told myself as I walked along the strange road. Staring hopelessly at my map that may as well have been written in Latin, a man approached me.
“Where you go?”
I showed him on the map where I needed to be.
“I take you, 100 baht”
“Oh no thank you! I know it’s not far, could you just tell me which direction to go please?”
“You are here.” He pointed at a spot on the map and told me in vague terms to go down this road and up another.
Still lost, I was spotted by another tuc tuc driver.
“Where you go? I take you, 50 baht!” Eye roll!
“I know it’s not far, I need to go here but I want to walk.”
“You are here” points to completely different area of the map!
“No! You’re lying to me! The other man said I was here!”
He showed me on the street signs that he was in fact the honest driver of the two!
“I don’t like you!” He told me honestly.
I am a bad person! I painted all tuc tuc drivers with the same brush and made this man feel sad!
“Sorry!” I told him “It’s just that the other guy told me that I am here.” I pointed sadly at the map and agreed on the 50 baht as 1. I felt bad and 2. If one more tuctuc driver was to give me the wrong directions again, I really would lose it!
I hopped in the unreliable death trap and away we went zooming through the streets!

My stress didn’t last long, after a quick stroll around a market, I went to find a spa. I entered the room to have my massage and had the awkward dilemma of how many clothes to remove. Ah screw it! I’m in Thailand, she’s seen it all before. I got comfy on the bench, listening to the sounds of oriental music while she began to straddle me.
Well...this is different! I thought. Her thumbs dug in to my sore muscles.
Relax Julie! This is supposed to be relaxing! All I could think of is how I was almost naked with a strange woman straddling me. Luckily, she didn’t stay there long, and once she hopped off, I felt much better.

I was now thoroughly kneaded like a ball of dough and the massage was almost over when.
Clunk! She punched my head!
What the?
Clunk, clunk! Twice more!
Stop hitting me!!
Then came the markings like when Simba is christened in the lion king by Rafiki. She ran her finger across my forehead. I expected to see a bright, white white leading me to Nirvana but it never came.

Things returned to normal once I hit the chair for my pedicure. I watched as she transformed by trotters from drab to fab! (Maybe I should write trashy teen magazine articles...hmmm?)

My hunt for food went well! I got a pad Thai for 45 baht (like a pound!) it was AMAZING! Thai food is immense, I shouldn’t have eaten though. I went with some Canadian girls from my room on a cooking evening to make authentic Thai food.

We drove into rural countryside passing flooded paddies and old houses surrounded by vegetation. Our first stop was a local market where we were shown the various ingredients that we would be using in our cooking. There wasn’t much gross stuff there except for the butcher’s room and a few fish being spit roasted over a fire.

Once we arrived at the kitchen we were dressed in red aprons and sombrero style hats and led around the gardens to smell and taste the various ingredients grown in the grounds. We stopped off at a mushroom house but there wasn’t mushroom in there ...hahaha!

Then it was time to cook! I nominated myself as Masterchef as no one else wanted to put themselves forward. It was nerve wracking, beads of sweat congregated on my forehead as I was asked to turn the gas on. Right. Gas! Yes, I’ve done this before. My hand shook as fumbled trying to press and twist. We have light! Ingredients were then thrown in all the while I had our teacher shouting.

“Don’t stop stirring masterchef! If you burn it, you eat banana instead!”
No pressure then. It wasn’t long before it was all cooked (and not burnt as I so feared!). She showed us how to expertly roll them with the rice paper and soon we had our own little spring roll each.

Next was a pad Thai followed by Penang curry. I took boomerangs of the men crushing the curry paste because it looked rude and made me giggle! It smelt delicious and I am ashamed to say that I found mine a little too spicy! I’ve spent too long away from Yogi and Mum’s weekend curry specials and have become sensitive to spice again! (Expect this to be rectified at my homecoming)

Our last meal was a soup that I was never going to be able to eat after all the other courses! It looked good but meh! Fully stuffed, we headed off back to the hostel and crashed into a food coma.