#AboardTheCastawayBoat

You knew the day would get off to an interesting start when crazy Lisa bought a round of jäger shots for breakfast. We boarded the booze cruise and soon we were off sailing into paradise.

The sky was blue in the sky and everyone was in high spirits despite their hang overs. I bonded with the Kiwi gang by making jokes about the dick (deck). They probably find me really annoying but being Kiwi are too laid back to say anything. We shot back some more jäger and I attempted to dance to whatever crappy dance tune Max had put on.
“I WANT BRITNEY!” I shouted.
He didn’t care and unfortunately there weren’t too many Britney lovers to back me up.

The boat came to a halt. SPLASH!
“No!” Shouted Pen! “Don’t jump off the boat.”
SPLASH
“No!” He shouted again.
SPLASH
Oh the English! How they make us proud, nothing like a Brit abroad to lower the tone! Poor Pen was quite panicked by the rebellious Englishman in the sea. I’m not really sure why though because about five seconds later we were all allowed to jump in.

While most went off to kayak we were lazy and stayed on the boat to drink and swim. Despite the low number of us I was still not allowed to play Britney or Rihanna or Beyoncé or anyone good! At one point I got excited because Nelly & Kelly came on.
“NELLY I... LOVE YOU...AND I... NEED YOU!” I wailed from the sea. I didn’t get asked to sing more and the genre changed back to crappy dance songs that I didn’t know the words to! It wasn’t all bad though, Ruth, Jen and I danced around together and then we all cross dressed with the clothes left on the boat.

When the others returned we were slightly more ...energetic, than them. They soon caught up and the whole boat was buzzing. One lad had Donald Trump speedos on and agreed to swap with me. He complained constantly that my bikini was uncomfortable until eventually I agreed to swap back. They did look better on me though!

Once returned to land the new people were there! Dozens of them! This is our island new people and we don’t want you here ruining it and taking it for your own. In true tribal warrior style we chanted “we are castaways” and sang songs too loudly. They must have been terrified! None of them went running into the sea to escape though, in fact, most just joined in with the singing.

I’m not sure I remember dinner but afterwards everyone was gathered ready to drink and dance some more. On one of the walls hung a gong. When donged the donger is legally obliged to purchase a drink for EVERYONE on the island. Well, no one would be stupid enough to ring that while there’s like one hundred people here.

Scottish Lisa rose to her feet. She walked purposely towards the gong.
“Don’t do it Lisa!”
Her drunken smile showed signs of the lights being on, but there was certainly no one home. Another step. She was face to face with the gong. Her hands reached to grab the stick.
“Oh god! She’s going to do it.”
GGGOOOONNNNNGGG!
She did it!
The noise echoed across the island summoning each human to assemble and claim their free beverage. Over 100 jäger bombs were handed out to everyone present.
A speech was made labeling Lisa as an ‘island legend’ I’m pretty sure she’s just an absolute moron but I’ll let her keep her title as I did enjoy the drink.

In the night, I went with an Irish guy for a swim in the sea. I brushed the water to expose the twinkly plankton, it shone like stars under the darkness of the sea. Cold, drunk and now soggy, it was time for bed. This time at least, no one sat on my head!