Positive Vibes

We constructed a raft and sailed southwards along the coast, hoping we wouldn’t awaken the Kraken or fall off the edge of the earth. We heard many sirens, possibly ambulances, but just in case we stuffed our ears with cheese to avoid their murderous song.

Battling a hurricane, and with the cliffs of cheese rearing ever higher and steeper, we spied a possible route inland at Positano. Rumour was that many people spy a possible route at Positano.

The hurricane pushed us to a barren cove known as Amalfi. From there we made our way back along the coast to Positano.

Ahh, Positano! A play space for beautiful people who want or need to be seen – actors, models and aspiring socmed influencers.

Interestingly, Positano is the sister city to Negatano, a cold war era industrial city in North Korea, and a play space for people who don't want or need to be seen – ex-cons, the grotesque and those who maintain MySpace pages.

Visitors to Positano are invited to partake in a local game. The aim is to match the mooring location of the visiting luxury cruiser with the number of thousand socmed followers the owners' partner has. The prize is a photo shoot with the Italian mens cricket captain and vice-captain.

Note their ripped trousers from the substandard playing surface of the Colosseum.

Despite our best efforts, we failed to recognise anyone in Positano. We attempted to blend in by posting numerous artistic photos of us on socmed. These were noted as exceptional by the local witchdoctor, who demanded that one of us marry the equally artistic daughter of a local mining magnate, to bring good fortune to the cheese harvest.

We learned that the daughter was artistic in a non-conformist way, spending each day in her cave listening to VoiVod, and posting photos on socmed of her doll collection, crucified upside down. Her mother was hoping for a grandchild soon.

As the following day was Leo's 13th birthday and we hadn't yet got him a present, this seemed perfect. We readily agreed to a marriage between Leo, Adventurer and Wildlife Expert, and Aurora, Spirited Daughter of a Mining Magnate – with lots of money.