In Your Wildest Dreams

We languished in the cells for several hours before we started to panic. Deprived of their basic rights (gelato and wifi), the children began to show signs of genuine insanity. Imagine the state they would be in if they were locked up for weeks, months or years. They'd forget what gelato was altogether.

Using her smartphone, Lexie quietly opened the cell door and peeped out. The place was deserted. We tiptoed down the corridor and happened upon a well-stocked armory, with pictorial instructions for use of the weapons painted on the walls and ceilings.

The maddened children armed themselves, declared war on 'not having gelato', and set off to find someone to maim. But the place was completely deserted. Perhaps they'd gone to the cricket?

Taking advantage of this, we indulged in a quick game of Happy Royal Families, with Kingy and Queeny and our two brave darling Princies. It was fun sitting on a throne collecting taxes and ordering beheadings, occasionally waving out the window to our grovelling subjects. After a while though, we didn’t feel amused.

We thought about adjourning to the chapel for a game of priests and altar boys, but Lexie canned the idea since she wouldn't be allowed to play. Instead, we left a magnificent nude statue of Mary in a prominent place and headed out into the village square.

The square was also devoid of human life. There was, however, a large number of statues, many of them on top of buildings. We assumed that the village had started sinking, so everyone climbed on the roof with their pet lions and one of our camels, and then the gods punished them for locking up Mary by turning them all into stone. It made sense at the time.

We thought about applying the kiss of life, but it didn't work out so well for a swan that looked like it had tried the same trick. The two people without eyes are Venetian Blinds.