The Captivity Bell

As we approached the hamlet of Florence at an alarmingly high speed, Aurora appeared genuinely pleased for us, and joined the celebration by tooting the horn and screaming out the window. This helped clear the footpath of pedestrians. She did a handbrakey outside a music shop and went inside to find some rare Darkthrone tapes.

We felt she deserved a gift for her efforts, and peered around at the shops. On offer were many items suitable for those on the cusp of womanhood – miniature chests of drawers (white with gilt edging), delicate cakes, dainty leather gloves - all beautifully crafted.

However, knowing how much she liked music, we bought her a bell with which to play along to her favourite tapes. It was kept hidden so we could present it with due ceremony in a picturesque setting at an auspicious moment.

After Aurora had finished shoplifting, we hid her among the crowd until the security guards gave up looking. The crowd were gathered outside an enormous and elaborate stone hut, which clearly belonged to someone important, such as a queen.

Having visited the King of Rome at the beginning of the adventure, it felt only right to visit the Queen of Florence at the end. The two of them will be most surprised to learn that their villages are in the same country! Hopefully they like each other and begin a simple trading relationship. They might invite us back to help plan a route.

The number of villagers waiting to complain indicated that the queen was doing a poor job. We overheard one villager lamenting the shortage of Tustroek for her wasp (Vespas Piaggius). Another was unable to purchase enough bile to keep his bar open. And all the Queen does is moan about her useless subjects.

We accepted that the queen was a very busy woman with a lot on her plate, and unlikely to see us that day. Not wanting to make a fuss, we planned our own celebration.

After a brief stroll around the village, we found the Walk of Fame in the Botanic Gardens. We constructed the biggest star of all using pieces of a mosaic that Aurora looted from a nearby hut. The owners were shocked, and their daughter threw herself on the floor and wept.

Sensing a special occasion, the villagers began to gather around. Not wanting to let them down, like their queen did, we arranged entertainment in the form of a minstrel, hired to play arias exhorting our virtues, deeds and adventures, as per this book.

The minstrel, playing on a bridge, soon had the crowd transfixed. When he sang about our final leg to Florence, we gathered closely around Aurora and presented her with the bell. She looked at it for half a minute, expressionless – probably overwhelmed.

We motioned for her to play along with the minstrel, at which point she marched up to him and assaulted him with the bell. Once he was lying prostrate on the ground, she simulated a lewd act with the bell, threw it into the river, then demanded money from the crowd, ourselves included.

The onlookers complied, assuming it was part of the show. Shortly after, the queen's guards arrived and detained Aurora, who abused them roundly.

While an off-duty staff member from a supercar nursery searched the river for evidence, Aurora was transferred to the cells and placed under heavy guard by the army and a pair of stone lions.

Leo said he didn't care and hates her anyway, which is why they are perfect for each other.

Meanwhile, news of the assault spread through Florence. A vigil was held on the bridge, attended by a representative of the King of Rome, who likes to stay abreast of lewd acts. People queued for a private counselling session with the captain of the Italian women's cricket team.

Without wanting to excuse Aurora's actions, this did put the future of Mary at risk. We therefore made plans for a spectacular rescue to etch our names even further into Italian folklore.

We broke into the Da Vinci furniture hut using a window-smashing technique Aurora taught us. Inside we found numerous sketches the owner must have doodled while on the toilet.

Using these, Archie fabricated a large pair of wings from timber and cloth, which could be deconstructed and re-arranged to resemble a very large picture of the queen. Leo concentrated on gaining the strength and flexibility to operate the wings.

Chester disguised himself as a military officer; Lexie as Adriana Xenides, complete with a Wheel of Fortune. The children disguised themselves as frescoes of the queen, whom we now referred to as Moaning Loser.

Feeling prepared, we celebrated by having some gelato. We all had watermelon and melon. Yep – watermelon and melon.