#MeettheHakacast

The next few chapters include a few in jokes and randomisms that the general public may not understand. To help I have written a short Bio of all the key characters on my tour.

Me (Julie): hilarious at all times/ extremely modest! Absolute legend!
Place of origin: It’s complicated
Likes: dressing up as Bilbo Baggins, New Zealand and singing loudly on the bus!
Dislikes: drowning, freezing to death and nearly falling off volcanos! Also, the solitary moustache- if it ain’t on a beard, it’s weird!

Ollie: Tour guide, driver and booker of activities! Comedian!
The Ollie dictionary:
Tin=ten Yis=yes G’day=hello Sweet=that’s good Far out= no way! True= really? Yup yup= also means yes! Dick=deck, too easy= just means easy, Dinnis=Dennis
Place of origin: Dunedin-New Zealand
Likes: singing, bad jokes and dangerous activities.
Dislikes: lateness, constant changes in activity bookings and moaning!

Sam: well informed tattooed eye candy! Great at jumping for photos and chucking welly boots! Has a tattoo of a chicken on a skateboard!
Country of origin: Waiheke Island New Zealand
Likes: snowboarding, tattoos and surfing
Dislikes: littering, vacuum cleaners that don’t suck and negativity!

Dennis: Dad of the group, looks after everyone, married to Ranji! Inappropriate come ons to young woman such as “you can’t beat a good Indian!”
Place of origin: Mozambique/ Bolton
Likes: dad jokes, opening the car door and guitars.
Dislikes: Brexit and people bringing shame on him.

Ranji: Dennis’s better half and curry master! Gives great cuddles!
Place of origin: Zimbabwe/Bolton
Likes: selfies, vacations and packing and repacking her bag!
Dislikes: snoring and disorganised bags.

Sarah: calm, cool and collected, owner of bad-ass Kiwi hat.
Place of origin: Sydney, Australia
Likes: hanging out with me, travel and sleeping.
Dislikes: spiders (I suggest she moves), sunburn and screaming babies.

Naomi: farmer of cows. Confused easily by jokes.
Place of origin: Manitoba Canada
Likes: cows, sky diving and her boyfriend Nick.
Dislikes: walking up hills, feeling sticky and the word moist.

Jon/Jonathan: cousin of Naomi, in an open relationship with Marc and Carl! Claims not to be a cheap drunk but often can be found wasted after two beers! He enjoys a dry cave.
Place of origin: Manitoba Canada
Likes: meeting new people, extreme sports and bundgy jumping
Dislikes: being wet, rain, humidity and moist! Also Americans!

Marc: boyfriend of Jon and helper of hikes! Killer haircut! Doesn’t know own eye colour! Claims to be a walking contradiction! Taught us that spotty dog means good in Geordie!
Place of origin: Newcastle/lives in Stockholm.
Likes: hiking, rubbing wood and my incredible sense of humour.
Dislikes: mensural cups, bruised bananas and losing his sunglasses!

Carl: Loves a nap, VCR expert, champion snorer! Unaware of his open relationship with Jon!
Place of origin: Coogee Australia
Likes: sleeping, the beach and a sing along
Dislikes: parking meters, wasps and getting up!

Enya: could be so sweet, but could be a serial killer...we just don’t know!
Place of origin: Doncaster, England
Likes: destroying souls, glaring at people and hummus.
Dislikes: smiles, happy children and waterfalls!

Angela: leguminophobic (fear of beans). Pervert of tribal men and wetsuit strippers! An undercover officer sent to spy on Enya to ensure no murders are committed on the Haka tour.
Place of origin: Leeds, England
Likes: wine, two bottles of wine and having her wetsuit pulled off by attractive men, evicting unruly families from their homes!
Dislikes: Wolverhampton, white water rafting, lateness, snoring,Michael Jackson, drinking games, when disruptive youths go free, dreadlocks, cats and baked beans!

Grainne: Perfected her ponytail swing, always up for fun and adventures! Hilarious but not as hilarious as me! Loves Westlife an unhealthy amount! Is an excellent singing/dancing partner! Enjoys an ugly selfie as much as me!
Place of origin: Randalstown Ireland
Likes: exercising, rubbing sulphur on her face and Nutella!
Dislikes: snoring, mushrooms and people copying her Irish accent.

Phil: Tower man, sitter of the front seat.
Place of origin: Gloucestershire England
Likes: hill walking, fedoras, sailing and shortbread.
Dislikes: feeling cramped, doorways and bottom shelves at supermarkets! Also, when people eat rice with chopsticks!

Judy: The Smiler! Mother of Pat! Taker of photographs! Terrible match maker!
Place of origin: Munich Germany
Likes: walking, art, nature, Pat and beer
Dislikes: Ollie screwing up the vouchers...#everytime!

Pat: small and bouncy, loves a good swim! Laughs a lot on the bus.
Place of origin: Munich Germany
Likes: eating, helping in emergencies, photographs and horse riding
Dislikes: Octoberfest!