#TheBlueMountains

My alarm rang out. 5am. My blurry eyes scanned my phone to turn the alarm off as I forced myself to get out of bed at such an ungodly hour. It was Anzac Day and they were holding a dawn service down at the beach. I met James and we found a spot with a good view of the screen. Hundreds of people filed in from all over the Northern Beaches, this wasn’t a small event!

Without warning the most beautiful man in the land appeared on the stage. I looked at James to inappropriately mime “OH MY G..” but he wasn’t looking and hadn’t seemed to notice that we were in the presence of a real-life actual 10! (Where is Becky when you need her to do your make up and gawp at the hot guy with you..still in bed probably given that it was 5:30am...) anyway, he started talking about Australia’s involvement in the war when THUMP!
I looked down and saw James on his hands and knees.

Did he become overcome with lust for hot guy and faint? Was he overcome with emotion and faint? What’s wrong with James? My brain screeched.
“When I don’t eat sometimes I faint. I used to get out of assembly at primary school because of it...winning!”

I’m not sure it’s much of a life win to faint in front of hundreds of people during a serious service but luckily hot guy had stopped talking so I was less bothered about dragging him out the crowd to a quiet curb to watch the rest.

After James’s finest breakfast of a bacon and hash brown roll with peeled mushrooms #Tragicmealsofanenglishman, we headed off for the Blue Mountains.

James decided on the Grand Canyon walk, I'm pretty sure he googled which walk would have the most stairs just to torture me, up, down, up...down, up, down... on and on and on we hiked up and down the stairs often stopping to let older people and children pass me as I gasped for air on the edge of the steps. "I need a rest!" I shouted for the millionth time! James was kind enough not to comment that I had just had one two minutes previously! "I'm...not...good...with...stairs!" I huffed.

"Nearly at the top!" came the reply. It was a lie of course, there was no top, just an endless route of rocks and stairs to clamber over and up. Despite my complaining it was an enjoyable walk for all! The valley of the mountain was lush with trees and streams and the path offered some beautiful views of the mountains. Eventually we stopped for lunch, James had made us a sandwich and brought chocolate bars and crisps, his culinary skills improving by the day! (Although I did mistake the chicken for ham but that's not his fault! The cheese was sliced to perfection!)

We sat on top of a rock and watched as people marched past, red-faced and tired looking, it cheered me up knowing I wasn't the only unfit person left in NSW. I wished a helicopter would come and airlift us out but James said they would struggle to get between the

trees in the mountains so I had to walk! We made it to the end and I flopped down in the car ready to have a nap.
"Next walks only about 20 minutes I think!"
"WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" I wailed.
James ignored me and drove us to a couple of lookout points, one had more bloody stairs but was insanely beautiful. While we were there a guy offered to take a photo of us, "yes, very nice, thank you!" I said to him after looking at the picture, I didn't have the heart to tell him his giant finger was covering half the lens. The other viewing point was more a drive-by sighting as there was nowhere to park and we didn't want to get a ticket.

I slept most of the journey back to Dee Why occasionally waking up to judge the terrible music choices and then once because the memory of James fainting was so funny that it gave me the hiccups (Instant karma for laughing at him probably). Luckily the cure seemed to be to eat cookies (another tasty treat with medicinal purposes) so that was a nice way to end the day!