When I’m not in the lodge cleaning, attending to guests or driving out to the car park several times a day to retrieve new arrivals, I can often be found sneaking around the kitchen like a stray mutt in search of food scraps. The chefs, Tazzie, Ryan and Simo, have started making extra portions knowing that I’ll be around to devour any uneaten snacks, canapés, and well basically anything that’s edible and doesn’t include olives or beetroot. They’ve also taken it upon themselves to make a cruel little game called “Let’s See What Nasty Shit We Can Get Tiffany To Eat Unknowingly.”

While the boys are cooking, especially when they are in the process of creating new menu items, they often taste test the new dishes. During the taste testing processes, they realized that I would very rarely turn down any spoonful or forkful that came my way and that if a treat was left out, it didn’t stand much of a chance with me around – thus began the trap-setting stage.

First, I received a spoonful of what appeared to be sorbet. It indeed was not. It took me a moment to realize that the frozen substance that I’d taken a massive spoonful of was actually frozen oil. I’m still not sure why they’d be cooking with frozen oil, but nonetheless, it was disgusting.

Next, a delightful looking new dessert item appeared on the staff table. It appeared to be some sort of chocolate fudge slice, topped with icing sugar. It reminded me of the chocolate pudding brownies Mom often made, so, of course, I grabbed a fork and piled it on. Turns out gelatin beef stock with sprinkled baking powder on top looks very, very similar. So gross.

The torture continued with one of Tazzie’s signature chocolates. He makes these really great chocolates filled with caramel or nuts that we use for ‘guest delights’, such as a champagne and chocolate surprise when a guest is celebrating an anniversary. Except instead of caramel or nuts on the inside, I received one with flies. Crunchy. Frozen. Flies.

As much as you’d think I might learn from these lessons and be a little bit more cautious when approached with foods, I’ll more likely continue to fall for the traps. Food is my weakness, the way to my heart and probably my most favourite thing – especially when it’s free and cooked for me.