South Africa

Onboarding.
Two years of planning and two days of flying is a lot of preparation for a vacation and my super powers were ramped up to maximum power. What if I got sick on a safari drive? What if our driver was drunk and drove off the cliff on our day tour? What if my iPhone isn't allowed on the plane? (That one I actually should have worried about a bit more.)

There were many times I doubted the decision to go to South Africa and once I nearly backed out entirely. But come what may, the journey began whether I was ready for it or not.

The first two flights were relatively easy – a one hour flight to Chicago and another three to Washington D.C. But the Big Daddy was the 17 hour trip to Jo-burg. During the first half, I broke into a cold sweat and thought I would die but George talked me through it and it passed quickly. The second half was more difficult as I suffered from motion sickness for several hours. Not fun when you know you've got so many hours to hang on until landing. After that, one more short flight to Cape Town – our first destination.

South African Air Rules of Travel.
1. Those in flight must remain fed and watered at all times. Quality of food is irrelevant. Length of flight – also irrelevant. Time since last meal – completely irrelevant.

2. Do not use the pillow, blanket or headset we left on your chair until told to do so and then only as directed. Do not under any circumstances keep these dangerous objects out during takeoff or landing. We cannot be held responsible for injury suffered from pillows or blankets not carefully stowed in the luggage compartment. We will replace empty seats left by disembarking passengers with new pillows and blankets. These are free to fly about the cabin heedlessly unless we feel so inclined to scold you to take ownership of them.

3. For a mere $25 you can upgrade to premium seating. This entitles you to board the aircraft earlier and sit on the plane even longer than normal. (K-Bear: How did that work out for you?)
4. Cell phones are the work of evildoers and cannot be used at any time – in any mode – EVER! We mean it!! And, if you should happen to turn them on, we'll know by the beeps on our radar recognizing incoming messages. If you sill don't shut them off – we're gonna start naming names! (YES!! We mean YOU guy in the pink shirt in Row 10. Don't make us come back there!!!)

5. Your luggage might get lost and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. You will need to fill out a form. This form will not enable us to locate the luggage – that's why it's called "lost" dumbass. But it will assure you that you know what it looks like and where you last saw it. We'll also give you a number to call. This is not meant to be of assistance but it will confirm that indeed your luggage is still lost since the last time you saw it. If your luggage should happen to show up – then it's no longer lost. Questions? Seriously people. Do you think it's easy to maintain this high of a level of disorganized chaos at our airport? NO! It requires a full team effort. We don't have time to look for luggage. We have to focus on...

6. Security. We have two levels of security
a. Non-security. This is used for entrance to our country. You can carry a Tab in one hand and a gun in the other with a whole family of baboons on your back. We seriously don't care. Just move quickly and get out of our way.

b. Fucked Up Security. This is where we spend most of our time and energy. Most of our staff has been moved off of lost luggage and non-security detail to attend to this very special need. We're confident it allows us to maintain our chaos levels noted in Rule 5. Please note the following steps will be required to exit our country.

I. After collecting your luggage, proceed to the checkin counter.

II. Enroute, you must have your checked luggage placed on a scale and duly noted. Hand luggage we'll just pick up. If we're able to lift it, you may proceed to check in.

III. If you're lucky enough to reach the checkin counter (we try to keep this lean and mean – literally) you'll need to have your e-ticket and passports ready. Collect your boarding pass and move on.

IV. To enter the terminal you'll need to do the following:
- Have your liquids in a plastic bag
- Take off your shoes and set them directly on the ramp
- Discard your water
- Take off your coats and metal watches or jewelry
- Present your boarding pass and passport (Yes – we know you didn't have to do this before. That's why it's call NON-security.)

V. To really, actually honestly and truly enter the terminal, you'll have to go through passport security. Line up. Have your passport and boarding pass ready. Once your passport is stamped, you may proceed to your gate.

VI. At pre-boarding, you'll be asked your final destination. Have your passport and boarding pass out. Then proceed directly to boarding.

VIII. Upon boarding, present your boarding pass and passport and enter the walkway.

IX. In the walkway, present your ticket stub to the FU security guard. He will in turn present you with a magic pass. I believe it's a certificate of some sort recognizing you've completed the steps outlined above. Move forward to the plane.

X. Before entering the plane, turn in your magic pass to the FU security guard. Enter and find your seat being sure to stow all of the pillows and blankets carefully away before takeoff. See Rule 2.

XI. Upon landing at the re-fueling airport in Dakar, please retrieve all of your hand luggage from the overhead bin and sit quietly with it in your seat until further directed. (Hey suckers in the middle seats of the middle aisle. Sucks to be you, right?). We're not actually going to check it. We just want to make sure if you packed a bomb in your luggage it will go off in your lap thus killing you first.

Safe travels from South African Airlines...

Cape Town.
OMG!! They have Tab! Everywhere! In the stores. In the restaurants. On the street signs. Glory be!! Sadly it has no caffeine. But it tastes the same and makes me super happy!!

We walk around the wharf and stop for fish (hake) and chips for lunch and then go on a wine tour in the afternoon. On the drive out, we're aghast at the shantytowns along the highway. So many thousands of people living in squalor without electricity or water. There are young black men and groups of children wandering everywhere. it's an eye-opening experience and a harsh reality of what a large segment of Cape Town is facing. Very disturbing.

I'm also astounded by the amount of litter all along the highway. It's a rare sight to see in the U.S. anymore but very commonplace here.

After the wine tasting (Pinotage – yuck! Chenin Blanc – yum!), we stopped in Stellenbosch to shop. The tour director, Sandy, suggested we stop in the silk store. A fabulous recommendation as I was able to temporarily quiet my obsession for scarves. I purchased two for myself and one to

send to Karyn for her birthday.

The shopping is fantastic everywhere in Cape Town and the surrounding area. The shops carry some of the same things – lots of items made from beads and wire – but there's a tremendous amount of variety. Every store has something new and different to offer. Given time a girl like me could spend a lot of money here.

Malva Pudding.
That evening, the often-asked question, "Will there be any good desserts in South Africa?", was answered with a very strong "YES"!! Whatever a malva is it makes for a very nice pudding. Or it could be Aunt Malva's recipe or from the region of Malva. It's unclear. And it really doesn't matter when it tastes this good.

Pudding is a misnomer – or used in the English sense indicative of any type of dessert. It's really a cake served with a lovely brown sugary butterscotch sauce. Served with either a dollop of creme fraiche or ice cream.

It seems there are as many variations of malva pudding in South Africa as there are brownies in the U.S. Wish I could have tried them all. The pudding at Balducci's was the universal favorite. It had a nice crunchy top and was ooey gooey delicious.

At Singita, our guide told the chef about our quest for malva pudding and the next night it was on the menu. A more dignified version of it served with chocolate ice cream and a divine gingersnap cookie. A little too fussy compared to the previous versions. But I managed to clean my plate.

Robben Island.
Yes, Lindsey, the two most important things on my list of things to do in Cape Town are shopping and paragliding. Since paragliding wasn't an option due to the amount of time required – that leaves shopping.

No, George, I don't think it's important for me to learn the history of the country. I'm not moving there, I just came to see the animals. And, no, I don't think it's similar to the Anne Frank House because it's such recent history and blah, blah, blah. (Oh, wait. You actually won that argument because I couldn't come up with any countering points. Whatever!)

I went to Robben Island grudgingly. Ok...bitchingly. But I promised if it was the most moving experience I'd ever had that I would admit to it.

There didn't seem to be much danger of that in the first half of the tour. A big snore touring the island, the mine and the town. Told 'ya I wouldn't care.

The second half, however, is led by a former prisoner who tells the stories of how they lived and day-to-day life. That's when apartheid began to feel real for me. And the realization that it just ended 15 years ago is shocking. It's very inspirational to see how far they've advanced in such a short time. And it was continually a surprise to me when guides on every tour thanked all the countries for their part in ending such injustice.

Speaking to the taxi driver who took us to the airport on the last drive added to the relevance of the morning at Robben Island. He spoke about the difficulties of living in South Africa in the 70's when apartheid was at its worst. The horror of knowing how wrong and cruel the system was but having complete inability to affect it. I was also amazed to learn there's been very little hostility or resentment against the white tyranny. He credits Nelson Mandela for that.

Mandela's cell is an eye-opening site. Probably about 5' x 3'. George promised to remind me on the 17 hour flight home that he survived there for 18 years. Surely I can endure 17 hours in a plane bigger than my house.

I've been inspired to purchase Mandela's The Long Walk to Freedom. It's a light read at just over 780 pages. But I promise that even if it takes me the next 18 years I will read it!!!

Table Mountain.
In the afternoon, we hired a taxi driver to take us to Table Mountain. It was slow in the city so he said he'd wait for us to come down and give us a ride back to the hotel.

It was a beautiful day. We were lucky to have sunshine and clear view. Odds are good that I would not have been able to paraglide even if time allowed as the weather and wind are fickle. Would have been super fun, though.

The most exciting part of the adventure was the Nurse Swarm. But let me begin by saying that when I called Mum from the D.C. airport she excitedly told me she knew what she wanted us to bring back for her. BROCHURES!! (She also told me she heard our plan fly out at 7:00 a.m. that morning. Mum is funny!)

After spending some time taking photos, we headed back to the station to take the tram back down. It was a small holding area with roped lines filled to the max with people waiting to ride down. But, oh my!! There's a whole wall of brochures! Me Mum will be so happy! I'm trying to get George's attention to alert her to this gold mine when I hear a very disgusted "Oh. My. God." There are endless intonations of that phrase – but this was definitely on the "Don't you dare do this on my vacation" end of the spectrum.

I turned around and saw my nurse squad swarming in to active duty. A man in front of us was doing a free fall – fainting? heart

attack? – God knows what. George was on the ground taking his pulse in seconds while K-Bear cradled his head to the ground. Lindsey was fast approaching on the other side and ready to McGyver any medical equipment required. It was an impressive sight! I was very proud of them!

Turns out he was a surly drunk who didn't speak English. He quickly got up and was sent down on the next tram. When we got down and were waiting for our taxi driver, George noticed him giving her the pig eye from across the street. He clearly was not happy with his rescue team.

Upon telling me Mum this story when we returned, she turned to me and said, "Did you do anything to help?" No, Mum. I was busy getting your damn brochures, okay? Wonder what my marketing degree would have contributed to the situation anyway. Further research required.

Bo Kaap.
On the way back to the hotel, we asked our driver if he would stop by the Bo Kaap district so we could get a picture of the brightly colored houses. Our hotel concierge had advised us not to go alone as it was a Muslim holiday and probably not the safest neighborhood on a Sunday.

The driver stopped and assured us "Very safe. Perfectly safe." He must have been scared to be left along, though, cuz he was never more than three feet away. Interesting.

At the end of every day, I would play "Best and Worst" part of the day with my fellow travelers. After everyone had given their answer that night, K-Bear sheepishly said she actually had another worst part. As she was heading back to the taxi in Bo Kaap, she heard a man repeatedly saying, "Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am" trying to get her attention. He asked her a question and she replied she wasn't interested – she was with the women ahead of her going back to the hotel. "Yes", he replied, "I know. I'm your driver."

Now, SERIOUSLY K-Bear! That assuredly was the the WORST part of your day! I've been there. I know!!

What's even funnier is the next day when our driver dropped us off at Cape Point and we went to find a parking spot, I expressed concern about how we'd find him later. And K-Bear says, "Don't worry, Carol. We know what he looks like." K-Bear??? Are you even listening to yourself? Don't worry??? I did what any reasonable woman would. I turned to George and

said "YOU know what he looks like, right??"

That night we went to dinner at Balducci's for the aforementioned malva pudding. We also had a yummy-licious pizza as an app and I tried ostrich for the first time. I was expecting chicken and was surprised it was a dark steak-like meat. Very good. I also enjoyed an ostrich burger later in the trip.

Lessons from Lindsey.
1. "If you get malaria it's your own damn fault and don't expect me to care." Even if it's a low-risk area. Even if the people who live there say the mosquitoes aren't even out yet. Even if you're told the malaria pills aren't necessary. Even if nowhere in any material I can find does it it bear mention of whatever vile spray Lindsey used to coat her clothes. Even if all the above is true in the words of Lindsey, "Go ahead and get malaria and see if I care." Ouch!!

2. "Carol observes exactly what she wants to observe." No comment.

3. "Proper tipping can be determined by referring to the X/Y axis chart." Being the brat I am, I goaded Lindsey into

showing me the tipping spreadsheet before we even left the Chicago airport. It was a masterpiece. It outlined every service imaginable by day by rands and dollars. I clearly did not plan enough for this trip. Then again...why should we both do it?

4. "It's all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out." While crashing through the bush in search of a leopard, Lindsey and I started cracking wise about getting thrown from the jeep or losing an eye. God decided to teach us a lesson by having George get pierced in the corner of her eye with a prickly bush. (Sucks to be George.) And, being George, she just noted she'd nearly lost her eye and then occasionally tested to make sure it was still functioning. I think God chose her instead of me because even She couldn't have put up with the ruckus if I'd been the one to be jabbed. (It's good to be me!)

Cape Drive.
On our last day in Cape Town George, K-Bear and I went on a scenic drive to the Cape of Good Hope. The others went to throw up their entire stomach contents to chum the water for sharks. Or something like that...

We found the perfect place to live at Constantia Vineyard. K-Bear's tractor, George's pink scooter and my bee-yoo-ti-ful orange Lamborghini will look stunning there. (I wonder how much it would be to ship that bad boy stateside. It practically hurt to drive by it every day just sitting there sunning itself in the window. Heavy sigh.)

Along the drive we saw an ostrich with two babies and a group of baboons including one with a baby on its back. We also saw whales and the much-anticipated jackass penguin colony. It's amazing to me that penguins and elephants live in such close proximity. It's a strange and wonderful world.

We ate lunch outdoors at the Cape and were dive bombed by birds. When we paid for the bill the waitress appeared to be summoning the mother ship with her credit card machine. She held it high overhead and slowly turned in a circle. If she'd started to chant, I was outta there. "Just trying to get a signal," she said. We didn't ask from whom. Didn't want to know that answer.

Credit cards are one big area with need for improvement in South Africa. What should be the easiest, most-accepted form of payment is a farce. Running cards through for payment at restaurants or shops took ages. It was far better when they simply put a blank piece of paper over the card and rubbed a pencil over it. That's gotta be secure! I loved when it happened at the hotel and then they very carefully stored that information in the file folders set in paper boxes and left on the counter in plain sight all day. I do believe that fucked up airport security is running the whole country. Might want to hang onto your receipts.

Food Glorious Food.
I don't usually even eat 3 meals a day so eating 7 was a challenge.

1. First Breakfast. We met for the game drives at 5:30 and were offered a variety of beverages (tea, coffee, juice) and usually some pastries (scones, muffins, croissants). The croissants were so yummy – wish I'd tried the chocolate one but thought I'd get another chance at Third Breakfast.

2. Second Breakfast. Midway through the ride, we'd stop for beverages and a treat. Their homemade crunchy little granola bars were the best!

3. Third Breakfast. Back at the lodge by 9:00 it was time to get serious about breakfast. A full buffet of cold items – fruit, croissants, bread, jams and cereal – followed by a hot breakfast of your choosing. At Royal Legend (RL), George went gaga for granola. I enjoyed the muffin which honestly didn't have much flavor but must have been made of drugs. Couldn't get enough of them. Their hot breakfast was eggs to order with sides. At Singita, the host breakfasts were more elaborate. One morning I had banana pancakes. The next I had eggs Benedict. I am very sad to report this was K-Bear's very first experience with eggs Benedict. It makes me weep to think of how many have passed her by.

4. "Lunch". After a few strenuous hours of resting and showering, it's time for lunch. Again, this was usually a full buffet with stews and vegetables. At RL, we were always treated to the most delicious fresh homemade bread and they always served dessert. Singita's lunch was generally off a menu – tried an ostrich burger one day.

5. Apps Part I. Around 3:30 or 4:00 we'd meet for snacks before going back on the drives. I'm proud (extremely sad) to say I did not participate in this round. I was wearing jeans and had not packed any stretchy pants. Choices needed to be made. they looked tasty, though. Anything from little meat-filled buns to fruit tarts.

6. Apps Part II. Riding around in a jeep can build a powerful hunger so good thing we stopped around 6:30 for snacks. The beverages got serious at this point and I enjoyed more than

one glass of Chenin Blanc in the bush. The appetizers were pretty classy at this pit stop. Cheese or meat-filled yummies, empanadas, roll ups, etc. George no likey jerky. Everybody else did.

7. Drinks. If I could only have one thing from the entire trip of food, I would choose the hot chocolate waiting for us at RL when we returned from the night drives. Rich and chocolatey heaven. My big regret was not trying the Amarula Cream drink at Singita. I thought they said amaretto. But that's just a weak excuse for my stupidity in not remembering that I had made a "must try" note regarding this drink in my vacation research. Bummer.

8.. DINNER. By dinner, you started praying to the South African gods that you were bulimic. The array of foods at the brais (barbecues) was daunting. And they were offended if you didn't want to try everything. One night I seriously couldn't handle anything more than a chicken leg and potato cube. They started with soup followed by an assortment of appetizers – calamari, lamb chops and several more. Dinner consisted of four meats – chicken, venison, steak, lamb – and a huge assortment of vegetable dishes. And, of course, dessert.

I seriously wished I were able to eat more of the fantastic offerings. There were so few things I tried that weren't to my liking. Maize I can live without. But even their roasted or grilled chicken is some of the best I've ever had. The lamb and venison were outstanding! Too much food. Too little time.

Game Drives/Lodges.
Royal Legend – the first lodge we stayed at – was not as deluxe as Singita. But it did win for best bed, best tub, best bread and killer hot chocolate. It was the closest we cam to an elephant as well.

Singita was the most luxurious place I've ever stayed with our own personal butler and plunge pool. The game drive guide – Nicky – was a cute 24-year old blonde girl who looked like she couldn't save me from a garter snake. She was so much fun. She got excited about everything we saw. And was so good at helping me find birds. Shadrack has been tracking for over 20 years and has bionic vision. He could also make up whole stories by looking at the tracks. "Lions. Went through yesterday at noon. Three of them. Had a fresh kill. A zebra." I have no doubt that every single word of it was true!!

One of my few complaints was that I got such big, happy beds and then had no time to enjoy them. I'm not good at getting up at 5 a.m. and it's just mean when your bed is pure paradise. Makes for a stellar nap, though.

We learned how to pee in the bush in South Africa. George was the first – and almost last – to try it. She got out on our first morning while we stopped for some warthogs. Dave started up the jeep and we were driving away before she returned. He and Kenneth thought it was funny so there must be no penalty for losing a tourist in the bush.

The tub at RL was divine. A cold refreshing Tab surrounded by windows to see the birds and boiling hot water make for one happy girl. The tub at Singita was nice too until we found the millipede in it on the last morning. Less so when we found out it was poisonous. Yuck!

The room at Singita was a beautiful Carol-colored orange, red and yellow. They said they'd love to exceed our expectations but they fell short when they failed to find an orange/yellow wrap for me in spite of my begging. I should have stolen it. Of course, that would have worked better had I not announced that intent.

The Big Five.
1. Elephant: George won! When used together, those are her two favorite words to hear. Shortly after Lindsey issued the challenge that the

first person to spot one of the Big Five should win...something...George saw the elephants. This was the closest we came to seeing elephants although we had several more adventures,

Dave, the guide at RL, told me at dinner one night that the elephant is the most dangerous because "I cannot tell when he is happy." We seemed to keep a safe distance from them everywhere. We saw some fairly close at Singita but instead of stopping to observe, which is what we typically did, Nicky hightailed it out of there. Maybe that was because she and Shadrack had had enough of elephants for one day.

Early that morning, we'd stopped on a ridge and Shadrack and Nicky left us in the jeep to go track lions. Of course, Lindsey and I had learned nothing from our previous round of joking and we started making up stories about being stranded to die and our guides never coming back.

A few minutes later, we heard a VERY loud trumpet from a nearby elephant. It sounded like it was right behind the closest tree – seriously loud!! This was followed by screams, yells and loud smacking noises. So now being stranded by dead guides was not so funny. In a few minutes, Nicky came walking up behind the jeep laughing and talking about her exciting adventure. She and Shadrack had been charged by the elephant. We had to drive a little way down the road to pick up Shadrack who was also laughing and exclaiming, "That was interesting.". I guess...

We watched a herd of elephants walk by from our Singita patio one morning. There were all sizes – probably about 8 total – that we watched through binoculars from about a quarter mile away.

I woke up in the middle of the night on our last night at Singita and heard something crashing through the bush outside. "I haven't heard that before in Minnetonka," I thought to myself. But I knew I'd have to be getting out of that bed far too soon as it was so did not get up to investigate. George also had a slight flicker of her superpowers and woke from sleep only long enough to think it was raining. When the guide came to get us for breakfast in the morning, he said an elephant had come through in the night. Branches were broken and there was a large pile of elephant dung in the walkway just feet from our house. I'm not sure I would have been able to see anything anyway, but I wish I would have gotten up to check it out. For indeed, I will never have that chance in Minnetonka.

2 Cape Buffalo: I'm not sure why this is considered one of the Big Five – the five most prized kills by hunters back in the day. Seems to me like you could pretty much walk up and rope one. Dave assured me that although they seem docile, once they spot someone on foot it's a different story.

We drove through a large herd of about 1,000 at RL. Dave drove like the wind to reach them before they got too far onto other private property. And we only stayed long enough to snap a few pictures and then skedaddled. We saw a couple of elderly buffalo up close at Singita. They have an impressive head and horns but were not the most exciting animal we saw.

3. Lion: Pretty kitty. The most thrilling experience for me of the entire trip was seeing the lone male lion at night. Lying in the grass. Roaring and grunting. I was completely awestruck. It made me think about how big and marvelous our planet is and how fortunate I was to be witnessing this moment. A few people in a jeep in the pitch black South African bush watching a lion in his native environment. It's something I'll never forget. I named him Ferdinand. it seemed kingly and fitting for him.

We saw a couple of other small groups of lions. One bunch had just finished eating and had blood on their faces. They're an impressive cat to watch as you know they have complete power and they know it! It's apparent in the confidence they exhibit in their eyes and their walk. Truly the "king of the jungle." Nice kitties.

4. Leopard: REALLY pretty kitty. The first leopard we saw was a lone female in a tree. They have the most beautiful spotted coat and she seemed to love posing for the camera. She'd drop one large paw down below the limb so we could see how big it was. She'd stretch and turn, sit up and look right in the camera. Lie down and give us a good shot of her coat. I wanted to pet her! I named her Isabella – a beautiful, exotic name for one of

my favorite pussycats.

We also saw a leep of leopards– something even Nicky had never seen before and, of course, was super excited about. The mama cat had killed a reedbuck and dragged it into the tree for her two four-month old kittens. Their one-year old brother was being ostracized and lay under the tree plotting how to steal their dinner.

One kitten was higher up with its mother dining while the other was stuck lower down on the opposite side. It didn't seem to be able to either get up or down. And while it mewed plaintively, Lindsey whispered furtively "Fall in the jeep. Fall in the jeep." I was silently wishing for the same thing, but I bet neither of us would have been happy with those results if we'd even lived to discuss them.

At one point, the dining kitten almost dropped dinner right out of the tree. But the big mama leopard paw swept out lightning fast and rescued it. Big brother jumped up later and went to lie face to face with the baby stuck on the other side. I want one for Christmas!!!
5. Rhino: We had a couple of very exciting experience with the rhino. On the first day, a rhino charged our jeep. I was cursing, quietly, but we just sat there and eventually the rhino veered and ran away.

At Singita we got out and walked up to a rhino. An "adventure" as Nicky decreed. It was fairly windy so we stayed downwind. Nicky told us to get down low and creep along. And to be very quiet. George was towards the end of the line and said it was so funny seeing all of our asses in front of her that she almost burst out laughing. I had her take a picture of the big rhino butt for inspiration but guess I should have just had her take a picture of my own rhino ass for a reality check.

They're a very interesting looking animal – truly prehistoric. George got a stunning picture of the one we walked to and the charging one. We also have a picture of Buffy – a little four-year old. And her mother Bert. Lindsey named her. We were told it was a male.

I'm so glad we got to see all five. I'm sure not everyone does so I feel very fortunate.

The Best of the Rest.
Cheetah: A full grown one. Not a baby. I WANTED to see a BABY!! Something to go back for. Our cheetah was a male – Chester/aka Duma – who had been eating for two days and looked pregnant. Nicky said "If that cat needed to run, it would RUN!" But he didn't have much more than a waddle in him at the time. Another beautiful animal and makes me wonder why it's not in the Big Five instead of the buffalo. it's in the top 7 along with the wild dogs which we didn't see.

Warthog: This is the animal I didn't expect to love. Seriously cute face. They're very skittish and they prance very quickly when they run away. And their short little feather brush tail goes straight up in the air. We have only one good picture because they scatter so fast. In retrospect, I named him Oscar Mayer because he knows to a lion, he's just a bologna snack.

Hyena: The hyena made me feel very unsettled. I asked Nicky if they attacked people and she said no. That they had acquired a very bad reputation from The Lion King but were actually a very good animal. She said, "Wait until you see the babies. They're so cute!!" And they are! They're all black and have the cutest butts. Diaper butts, Eric said, when he saw their pictures. They're round like bear cubs. The babies would slide down the hill together and then struggle to get back up to their mother. One would be swatting its mother's nose while the other was chewing her tail. Just like babies everywhere.

Giraffe: We saw giraffe early and often. They are one of the most picturesque of the animals. No matter what position

they're in, they look graceful and elegant. they have such a beautiful balanced walk. The darker shaded ones were my favorites, but almost all of the giraffe pictures turned out well. Tyra Banks would be proud.

Zebra: We walked out to a small group of zebra. They seem skittish. We didn't get too close. Saw another group of them from the jeep later.

Hippo: The hippos wouldn't come out of the water so were a disappointment. I would have liked to have seen one waddle up on land.

Wildebeest: These were one of the last animals we saw. They walk single file and stretch out in a long line. It was a gorgeous golden morning and the photos are so pretty.

Impala and Other Deer: Impala are EVERYWHERE so assuredly the meat eaters are in no danger of going hungry. No matter how many we saw, Lindsey would always get excited and say, "Cutie pie" or something about how pretty they were. And AFTER she ate loin of impala for dinner, she became even more excited to see them – dreaming of how good they'd taste that night. There were dozens of other deer-like animals and I lost track of them all. Kudus were big with white lines. the waterbuck had a big white target on its butt. The nyala was large and beautiful in shades of black and brown. In addition, there were reedbucks, sternbucks, grysbucks and more. Good thing George doesn't have to dodge all of these in Minneapolis.

BIRDS!
If we'd been playing a drinking game for every time I said "bird" we'd all be in the spin-dry cycle at Hazelden right now. Let it be said – I am obsessive!!!

So with my bird book in one hand and the "Birds of Kruger" cards in the other and with binoculars in the third, I set forth to find all 800 species in Souther Africa. I found 60. Let it also be said – I'm not so good at birding.

Nicky knew I liked birds so she and Shadrack were on the lookout. The problem is, Shadrack would have found three different birds and I would struggle to find even one of them.

The damn things fly! Who knew!! But I had tons of fun looking for them and marking them off in my book.

My absolute favorite and the one I most wanted to see was the lilac breasted roller. Every shade of green, purple and blue. It made me happy every time I saw it. George got some pretty good pictures, but I wasn't able to find any souvenirs of it. Here's hoping Santy Claus can help.

In addition to all the pretty colored birds, there were a lot of big ones – owls and eagles. It was so nice to be riding along and hear all the different tunes being sung all around us. Makes me a little sad to think that a lot of the tourists there probably overlook the whole aspect. Everyone needs a birder in there party!

What's Next.
I have no doubt that this was the most amazing experience I'll ever have. I don't know what could possible match it. I think it was perfect in every way. We saw the Big Five. Nobody got sick (sorry, Lindsey, sill malaria free), no one was hurt (much) and I have no big regrets. I would have liked to have seen a herd of elephants and a baby cheetah. But now I have something to go back for.

The people were beautiful inside and out. The food was spectacular in taste and quantity. And the weather was good (not great at RL but it could have been a lot worse.) I would have loved to have time to shop at the "Out of Africa" store but I guess if that's the worst thing that happened, I have nothing to complain about.

So it's on to Turkey via Washington DC in 2011. I expect Lindsey will have the chart and the itinerary in the next day or two. She's already begun planning to plan it. We need to book it by next Sept. That's a mere 11 months away. I've already put it a request to end the trip at the market so I can get my shopping in. And that brings us full circle. My priorities in Turkey will be shopping and...more to come.