Amsterdam

I went to Holland as an empty vessel – looking for new experiences and adventures to refill and restore my soul. After all – it may be the only place in the world where both prostitution and marijuana have been legalized and that counts for experiences in my book. But it offered so much more. And, at times, it offered much less. But, I'll write about the food later. For now, let's start with the very best of the city and surrounding area.

The People.
It seems like I always write about the beautiful people. The

Croatians were lovely inside and out and the Ticoes – well, at least the young men were cute. But, I have never in all my life seen so many gorgeous young people with such tight asses. And, because they are all so tall, their butts were practically at eye level when I followed them down the street. So, I would know!!

Damn! Let's hear it for the bicycles!! And, if that's what it does for the human body – let's make them mandatory in the U.S. I do have to wonder what's happened to everyone over 30, though. Do they lose their balance over 30, fall into the street and get killed by the oncoming car, bus or train? Could happen...

To be fair, they're not just tall and beautiful but extremely nice. I think all 412 young men and women at the hotel's front desk were warm and friendly. And very helpful. In at least four different languages! It continually amazes me how other countries consider it routine to become bilingual. Americans are so arrogant – or so it seems. If you don't speak English here, you're out of luck.

George did rightly point out that their options would be pretty narrow if they just spoke Dutch, though. It would be the ultimate example of "talk amongst yourselves." I still think it's amazing, though, to watch them speaking to all the different tourists. And to hear tours translated into four languages by one person.

Oh! I forgot to mention the city uniform. Black on top and skinny tight jeans on the bottom. And those jeans do look mighty fine. Mighty fine!

Unique.
Some things made Amsterdam seem very unique.

Canals: They're found in other cities, of course, but it's "water, water everywhere" in this country. Hard to go for a walk in this country.

Bikes: In abundance. And I got huge giggles from the bike parking ramp. I would be in tears every night trying to find my bike amongst all the thousands that look exactly the same

Language: Good Lord! What do they need all those letters for? They're completely useless as they swallow them up or gargle with them when they speak. good thing they DID learn those other languages.

Tulips: And daffodils. And hyacinth. The flower fields and gardens were breathtaking. And, all 300+ of George's photos will prove it!

The Bizarre.
In looking for new experiences, one need look no further than the Red Light District. Even walking through it in mid-day is "interesting." I know it's considered progressive and enlightened – but I just found it unsettling. "Girls For Sale" is sad. No other words for it.

The Food.
It can be put off no longer. I must address the food. And then I must try to permanently erase it from memory.

Things are pretty grim when I don't like pancakes. And, actually, the pancake itself might not have been the problems. The problem is sugar. The Dutch have no idea what to do with

it. They couldn't make a dessert to save their soul. And, I've discovered why. Ten percent of all their sugar is being used in the powdered variety. The pancake comes coated in it. But, just to be safe, the powdered sugar canister is in easy reach on every table.

The other 90% of available sugar is poured into their syrup – or stroop. Easy enough to make. Just mix molasses, brown sugar, dark Karo syrup and brown sugar together with some brown sugar. Done! Make sure you don't get it too thin, though! You'll wan to be able to spoon it out of the gallon tin bucket and let it slowly ooze onto the pancake. When this mixture hits the two cups of powdered sugar on the pancake – pure BLISS!! The only remedy for this sugar overload? Why! The after dinner mint, of course! Seriously. What WAS that vile sucker candy? I know one thing for sure. There was no brown sugar in it.

Billed as "the best pancakes in town", it make me shudder to think what's happening in the next pancake shop over.

One of their other recommended foods is the croquette – a deep fried meat patty. I'm not as confident about the ingredients here but glue is definitely one of them. It was the first thing I ate in Amsterdam and it pretty much set the tone.

The Indonesian food was pretty good except for the curry. But that's probably more a matter of my taste than theirs.

The saving grace – CHOCOLATE! The hot chocolate was sinful – thick and rich! And the truffles were killer. The smell of chocolate walking into the truffle shop made me forgive all but the pancake. And the croquette.

The Dutch aren't know for fine cuisine. That's fine. I get it. But they are know for water, right? Everywhere I went I heard about how the country is below sea level. All the water surrounding them is fresh. FRESH water, they stressed. So what I don't get is the ice rationing. Two ice per glass. No more. No less. Two ice that are pretty much hollowed out and melt upon contact with liquid.

Listen Dutch People! You mastered the recipe for stroop. I know you can handle ice. Take all that fresh water you're desperately pumping off your land and freeze it. Then give some to the tourists for God's sake. We like ice! We like it a lot!!
Museums.
It must be hard to visit Amsterdam without seeing a museum. Kay did it. Eric did, too. They're going to have to explain that to me because there are museums everywhere. For everyone.

If Van Gogh isn't your thing, try the Tulip Museum. If Anne Frank is too hard, check out the museum of bags and purses. Are the Jewish Historic Museum and the Gay/Lesbian Holocaust Museum just too daunting? No problem. There's a sex museum. Or two. Or more? (Did I just imagine I saw it everywhere or were there multiple versions?) Still not interested? How about hemp? Or torture? Maybe throw in some Rembrandt and the canal house just to round things out.

The museums are all so well done here. They've done a phenomenal job of not only preserving their history but of sharing it with everyone. They're all very accessible and present in multiple languages. Truly something for everyone.

The heart stopper for me was the Anne Frank house. Simple, austere, stark, poignant. Probably one of the most moving experiences I've ever had. A tragic story in so many ways and told so beautifully through its simplicity. Sad. Touching. Unforgettable.

Until Next Time.
I don't think it's farewell. Unlike Croatia, which I'll probably never see again, I imagine I'll be back in Amsterdam someday. Probably just in transit to somewhere else, but long enough to say "hello."

I've told many people that it's a very livable city and I could picture myself there for a year or two. But I'd have to get younger and taller. and they've got to get better food. We'd both best get started if either's going to happen anytime soon.

Ice Addendum.
I caused a stir at the hotel every night asking for a bucket of ice (to chill my Tab). "A bucket? Of ice?", they'd ask. Who'd ever imagine someone needing such a thing. "A large or small bucket?", I was asked one evening and shown the options. The following night I asked for a large bucket of ice and was told, "We only have small buckets. But, it holds a lot of ice! A LOT!" Yep. It holds two. Perfect!

Best and Worst.
Would recommend:
Carol: Anne Frank, Indonesian food, Keukenhoff Gardens
George: Go at tulip time, buy an Anne Frank e-ticket, take along food

Would not recommend:
Carol: Pancakes
George: Historical museum and tourism office

Biggest disappointment:
Carol: Canal tour
George: Apple pie

Best of Amsterdam:
Carol: Preservation of history and communication of it in multiple languages by really cute young men and women
George: Culture/history

Worst of Amsterdam:
Carol: Food
George: Smoking

Best souvenir:
Carol: Puzzle
George: Orange windmill ornament

Biggest surprise:
Carol: It didn't smell
George: It's so wet and everyone's so young