At the beginning of this diary my intentions of this India trip was pretty much surrounded by Jai..stupidly even after 6 months of being apart and I knew what would inevitably happen with Jai being back in India, he was still my drug and I was blind to everything and still very much hooked.. Me being the blind fool I didn't pick up on the things going on around me and actually thanks to a friend of mine and Jai's back in England I was given a new sense of clarity.. I knew Jai would be married soon because for a year of our relationship his parents had moved his arranged bride into their home..the marriage was coming and I still hadn't let go..but thanks to some wise words from a friend who has been and done pretty much everything I have had to go through in the last few years..I opened my eyes properly and I see things a lot differently. What I never thought in a million years is that this sense of clarity would show me Kuldeep..

Kuldeep is a very shy medical science student who had been working in the closest restaurant to my accommodation that served more homely food. When I got fed up of rice and chappatti's I would go there for my dinner...from the very beginning of this trip I had noticed him, I noticed his shyness and his smile but he had been showing signs of interest and I never clicked..Being English and white I had got used to heads turning and people smiling to be polite and I didn't think he was any different... I was quite wrong actually I was really really wrong..What I didn't know is that before we even got talking properly I was a hot topic..he was completely drawn to me to the point of telling his family and he only knew my first name.. To be quite honest I knew I would never be able to put myself through the whole family rejection again like Jai's and I thought it would always be that way. When spending more time with Kuldeep I learned that this was not the case..his family knew about me..whatever Kuldeep knew so did his family..his mum, dad, brother and sister and his friends..though this time I am not a bad thing, I'm not tainted and wrong like I was before I was accepted and loved for who and what I am..
Now Kuldeep isn't from Dehradun (where I am) he is from Harsil which is a good 8 hours on a bus where his family have a farming business. His father being a business man can get by with English, his brother and sister have very little English but learning in school and his mum has "hello" Out of all of Kuldeep's family his mum is the person that is the most excited about me and has tried to communicate with the help of Kuldeep she even told Kuldeep off for not taking me to their family home so she could meet me..I hope I will get the chance before I come home...It's the nicest feeling in the world not to have to hide any more and I feel completely accepted..It's a good feeling to have :)

My only issue now that I have is that I am wanted and loved here and with 1 month to go until I am in England again it will be hard to let go of that feeling. Watch this space because once Kuldeep has finished his studies we will find a way of bringing him to England so he can be part of my family which he is already so excited about!