Life is Weird

After spending the last year and a half mulling over what our inevitable return to normal life would look like, we somehow find ourselves in the midst of it again. I've been putting off writing up this one last post because I'm having a hard time untangling how I feel about the way things turned out. But, here we are.

On one hand, I couldn't have hoped for a smoother landing. The job that I used to lie awake thinking about (how crazy was I for walking away from my dream job?!) happened to come available just as things were unraveling in Russia. One week after landing stateside I found myself interviewing for my old position. Crazy! A few days later the job offer came through and then the real chaos started. Buy another vehicle, get a new driver's license, get drug tested, find a daycare, move in with my sister, oh, and get the kids sleeping during the night hours again.

We spent a few weeks at my parents' place (they were still in Kazakhstan until a week before Thanksgiving) recuperating from the stress and thoroughly enjoying the quiet and stillness of the Northwoods. Even Finn noticed and appreciated the peacefulness of the forest. We fell into a routine of taking a walk every afternoon into the woods for a hang (in the hammock) and some hot chocolate over the camp stove.

I've been back to work for two weeks now and life is oddly normal. I'm working with the same people on the same projects; it's almost like I was never gone. The boys are adjusting to "school;" they stay home with Matt on Mondays and Fridays and then go to a daycare center Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Initially, Lev was excited to go to school with Finn, but that excitement has worn off and he's pretty sad to see his mom go when I drop him off. Finn has life pretty well figured out here; this is America, we speak English. He gets mad when we speak Russian with him; sadly, I think he is going to lose all of his Russian skills, but we'll keep trying. Lev is super confused, but coping in his chill way. He still talks about riding the tunnel train on Tuesdays and asks when we get to go to Matvei's house. They can't understand why we have to drive everywhere now. Karisa's house is conveniently located two blocks from a playground so we've been maintaining that one bit of our past life -- walking to the playground to get our energy out nearly every day.

On the other hand, I'm not super excited to just be a normal American again. Life is busy, I have a schedule to keep, my children are being raised by strangers three days a week… Are we seriously right back where we started?

Did Russia even happen? I guess, what did I expect. I don't know. I was hoping to figure out a way to be a mom at least until my kids started school, but I chickened out. This is America. I don't get job protection for taking time to be with my children. Gaps in employment are gaps in employment and I was worried I would never be employable again, and that really wasn't a viable long-term solution.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. It's challenging, exciting and I get to drink coffee in relative quiet surrounded by smart people every morning. But, I really value being a mom and although I'm very grateful to have had the privilege to fill that position for the last 15 months, I'm a bit disgruntled it has come to an end already.

So, here we are, almost back to normal. Our house is still rented out until July, but in just a few more months we will finally be home again. At the moment, I think I'm battling a bit of homesickness -- I really miss the exciting place we were, and emails and pictures from our friends there still make my heart ache. I hadn't anticipated how it would feel to have two homes; we love it here in Duluth, but Novosibirsk will always have a special place in our hearts.