Dealing with a beautiful struggle in the most beautiful city has been an adventure of its own. Paris has a way of transporting you into an alternate reality, where your troubles back home have almost vanished... Well, almost.
Before leaving for the trip, I had begun to question if I was moving in the right direction with my major and my life. I prayed to God to reveal to me on what he wanted me to do and what to pursue for his glory. I was very impatient and became so focused on my uncertainty, that when God revealed that it was my time to go abroad, I was thrilled. I had finally felt like things were moving along and that God would reveal more while being abroad. Looking back on it now, I would have told myself to trust God and his timing instead of trying to rush God's plan.
I remember one chapel last semester, when my friend Sydney had came up to give me one of her famous hugs and tell me what God had spoken to her about my life and future. This had came at a time when I so desperately wanted to know what to do, and had been praying and praying for God to reveal a piece to me. Sydney told me that God showed her a vision, where I was abroad in the nations and doing God's work. God also gave her the word, "Ambassador," to which he said I would be a type of ambassador among the nations. When she told me this at the time, we had barely known each other and she was telling me things about myself that no one else but God knew. She did not know my major, or the fact that I had always longed to work outside the United States. Upon hearing this I felt like the Lord was showing me that he has always had a plan for my life, and that I just needed to trust him.
From that day on, I kept this reminder to trust him even when it felt like the hardest thing to do. Here in Paris, I have experienced the Lords presence so deeply and constantly, especially of late when I have forgotten to completely trust and surrender my control. The past few weeks have challenged my trust and faith, as I again contemplate and question my future. I tried to change my major to something I had longed to do since I was a child, but was hit with the realization that this major would not work out unless I wanted to stay in school longer, and put myself in even more student debt. I was honestly a wreck when I found out, because for once I had felt certain that this was my way to go. After crying to my parents and feeling completely lost, I cried out to God for help. As I asked him what to do, I was instantly transported back to the times last semester when I had prayed the same prayer, and felt the same way. Once again, I had dropped my trust in him and tried to do what only God can do. After calling out to God for several minutes, I looked up to see my Bible sitting on the pillow beside me. I felt the Holy Spirit hover over me and picking up the Bible, I let it fall open to a random page. The Spirit led me to the famous verse in Psalms 23, where it says "He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not be afraid." I was in complete awe as I read this passage that I have been familiar with my whole life, as God was speaking directly into my situation. God was showing me that he would always guide me into the right direction, but I would need to give him control and trust that he is working behind the scenes. I instantly felt the calm of the spirit wash over me and told myself that the situation was in God's hands. I told God that I was giving him the control and all my fears surrounding it, and felt so free from my worrying.
I now walk the streets of Paris with a new sense of identity. I know that God has my life in his hands, and I will walk in confidence that my future is a worry of the past. I now look at Paris with child-like eyes, absorbing every inch while I can. I will always remember the beautiful things that God has blessed me with in life, and Paris will always be one of them.