Boarding a plan is a lengthy process at the best of times, especially long haul flights people always think they need to bring way more on the plane with them than than they actually do and then proceed to hold up everyone behind them as they mark out territory in the overhead lockers. I read somewhere that mathematicians have worked out a more logical sequence for boarding plans to hurry up the whole process. The airlines also have loading by zones I.e those at the front of the aircraft are supposed to board first with the understanding that they will organise their bags sit down and then their fellow travellers at the back of the aircraft will have a clear passage to their seats. However the airlines don't strictly enforce the zone boarding policy so boarding always takes forever. Also human nature being what it is means people are going to make themselves good and comfortable before they sit. Ops forgot that book in my bag, let me just hold up the couple of hundred people behind me by standing up in the aisle and fossicking though my bag in the overhead locker to locate it.
I had noticed at checkin there were a lot of babies on this flight what I hadn't realised was they were all located within 10 seats of me!!
I had been allocated an emergency exit; always nice to have the extra leg room on a long haul flight, however this emergency exit was adjacent to a bulkhead (aircraft wall) and what do they put on bulkheads -,baby bassinets!
Getting to my seat was my first introduction to Baby Javier.
Baby Javier (BJ) and his accompanying baggage had taken up all the room in the surrounding overhead lockers The lesser passengers surrounding Baby Javier were forced to accommodate their luggage further down the aircraft. It appeared Baby Javier also liked to look down on his subjects from higher up. This meant his servants (parents) were forced to stand up in the aisle to avoid Baby Javier's displeasure should they sit down and obscure his view. If this happened Baby Javier would roar his displeasure loudly so all the subjects in his Kingdom of zone D of this particular aircraft could hear him. So my expected extra leg room in the emergency exit never really eventuated as Baby Javier' servants were required to confiscate it at the request of their lord and master so h could oversea his kingdom. I must admit that when he was kept happy and smiled Baby Javier was one cute baby with a killer smile and dimples. I know we say that all babies are cute but we all know that is not really true and it is a white lie as nobody can tell someone their baby is plain, homely or downright ugly. Take the baby at the opposite end of the row to Baby Javier. This baby definitely wasn't as cute and his servants were not as accommodating to his requests (obviously trying to instill in him the realisation that his every request in life would not always be met and that he was destined to be a mere mortal) This baby however seemed to be as fascinated with Baby Javier as Baby Javier's servants were. I am not sure if this was because he wanted to learn the secrets of training your servants to accommodate your every need or he was just as enthralled by Baby Javier's charisma as BHs servants were. This poor homely baby was constantly try to get BH's attention by smiling and waving and just staring at him in wonder. BH however mostly ignored this baby apart from the odd smile or wave as he was more concerned with keeping his servants constantly busy. It was obvious that his servants were inexperienced and looking after BH was their first job in this kind of role. What they lacked in experience they certainly made up for in commitment. You could see they were going to be excellent servants to their young master granting him every wish that was within their power to do so. I was especially impressed by the young male servant I had observed males in this role before and I am not being sexist when I say that sometimes they will let the female servant do all the work, while they sit back and read the newspaper. However this young man was excellent he take on the bulk of It appeared all the babies in the zone had appointed BH as their unofficial leader and if Baby Javier started an ear splitting round of crying they all needed to join in. Baby Javier then discovered he could visit all the subjects in his zone by crawling up and down the aisle in front of the drinks trolley slowing the procession of the trolley to a snails pace but reinforcing the fact they would be rewarded with a drink after his visit. I think BH's servants did need a little more training in this area as people are constantly walking up and down aircraft aisles and the soles of their shoes have trodden over all sorts of things in their travels I hate to think what sort of things BH' hands were picking up, surely his servants could have at least rolled a red carpet out in front of him to avoid him touching the sort of things people pick up on the soles of their shoes but perhaps it was just to prove Baby Javier is a man of the people and is happy crawl over the grime, germs and gunk of an aircraft aisle to greet his subjects. I thought I would only be graced by BH's presence on my first flight but no I was in luck as who was smiling across the aisle from me on the second leg of my journey but BH. BH obviously thought he needed to make up to me the fact that he had slept a little on the first leg of the journey and there had been moments when I or my fellow travellers may have forgotten we were in the presence of royalty. He would make no such error on the second leg. Not only were we treated to his constant roars for attention but when his servants found music or games to amuse BH we were all allowed to share in this as they were played at top volume without headphones and the sound was able to penetrate the airlines headphones of others. Baby Javier had noticed that some of his subjects had their eyes closed so if we couldn't see him we were sure going to hear him. He obviously decided that our lives would be vastly enriched by listening to his game of Peek-a-boo rather than trying to listen to the audio on the aircraft entertainment system. I finally got off for a stopover in Dubai and had to farewell BH as he was travelling on to Spain to delight more travellers with his presence he gave me a cheeky smile on departure and his exhausted servants a grateful nod as I handed them some of BHs belongings that had managed to flow into overhead lockers further down the aircraft.