The King and his Government's schools

We Brits might love our Queen, but Thais worship their King. The respect accorded to King Bhumibol – currently, at 67 years, the longest reigning monarch (Queen Liz comes in at second) – borders on godlike. On December 5th, the people of Thailand united in celebrating his 88th birthday; a public holiday also known as Father’s Day, for he is considered the father of the nation (similarly, the Queen’s birthday is Mother’s Day). Thousands, including myself, flocked to the historic Ratchadamnoen Avenue to watch elaborate carnival-like parades gambol down this royal boulevard which connects the Grand Palace to the Royal Plaza. Sailors, soldiers, students, dancers, royal guards all contributed to a seemingly never-ending procession admired by the masses.
Us onlookers could best be described as a sea of yellow. In Thai traditions there’s an astrological rule that assigns a colour to each day of the week. These become the traditional Thai birthday colours. King Bhumibol was born on a Monday; his colour is yellow (coincidentally, my colour is also yellow, though I had to use a website to discover that I was born on a Monday, something that all Thais would’ve already known). Consequently, the only non-yellow shirts to be seen were those worn by farang, though I did make the effort to buck the trend.
Khaosan Road, AKA Backpacker Haven, normally a pain to reach owing to its lack of proximity to either skytrain or underground, runs parallel to Ratchamanoen, thus afforded a rare opportunity to revisit my stomping grounds from three months ago. Athwart one end a large stage had been erected on which troupes of Thai women – all resplendent in shimmering silks, fluttering fans and full of graceful, flowing motions – demonstrated elegant dances from the furthest reaches of the land.
Went to grab a beer on one of the myriad bars on Backpacker Haven before happenstance saw me bump into guy called Joey from Bristol, who even knew my brother, Lak (though it seems almost everyone from Bristol knows him). Felt like a small world all the same and we went down memory lane to some of our favourite watering holes in Briz. Though he was only passing through, he wasn’t your usual backpacker in that he was doing a quick visa run from Hanoi, Vietnam, where he also teaches English. The similarities between our jobs ended there. In Hanoi he teaches only kindergarten, has practically no qualifications, teaches half as many hours as me and gets paid double. Was aware that Thailand doesn’t pay great compared to its Southeast Asian neighbours, but this knowledge

threw into sharp relief the size of the gulf separating them. Why are teacher’s wages in the Land of Smiles that paltry? It seems to stem from the mai pen rai ethos that pervades all corners of the country – ‘it doesn’t matter’; ’learning English doesn’t matter.’ That’s not to say that everyone, everywhere in the world should learn our mother tongue, but it is the only world language, and thus the most useful to learn. Countries such as Malaysia, Vietnam, and Cambodia have all recently overtaken Thailand in terms of English speaking capability and seem to be doing better as a result. Asked Joey the classic ex-pat question, ‘any plans to head home in the future?’
‘Why would I ever want to move back home?’ he laughed. ‘I’ve got a piss easy job, can live like a king, save money, and enjoy the lush weather.’
Do I have plans to head home in the future? Not being a soothsayer, I can’t say for sure, but it’ll certainly not happen any time soon. Have got a great bunch of friends (English and Irish) that I hang out with; an awesome Thai girl who helps me understand her culture; a job that’s challenging, stimulating, and rewarding; and finally, yes, the weather is lush.
Went to the annual company xmas shindig last week. Was one of only two teachers from my branch who did (and we have about ten). This miffed me - free booze, free food, a chance to meet fellow teachers from the other branches (the chain has at least fifty in Bangkok), why wouldn’t you come? I put it down to job dissatisfaction, disillusionment in the company, being overworked, and a general unwillingness to socialize – many teachers, especially those long in the tooth, have Thai wives, families, or to be quite blunt, are a bit weird. Those that I did meet at the party were, however, extremely friendly, and I made a lot of new contacts. Okay, the food was crap, the venue uninspiring, but it was a good night all the same. Eye-opening it was also; met a Russian kid (couldn’t have been in his twenties for long) who spoke worse English that most of my private students. ‘Do you teach Russian?’ I asked. ‘No, I teach English,’ he replied in a barely intelligible version of that which he’s been employed to teach. What the students get out of his lessons is anyone’s guess, but it certainly gives credibility to the phrase, ‘big chain language schools are like the McDonalds of Thailand,’ that I’ve heard bandied about.
One of my fellow teachers told me not long ago that he hates his job. Personally, I don’t, but I still respect his viewpoint. During the week, we’ve both been recently contracted out to a government school, teaching kids from primary one to secondary three. I teach the primary bunch (six, seven, and eight year old’s). It’s not the same as I remember primary schools. First off, classes are forty-five strong, there’s no air-con, and half the kids aren’t remotely interested in learning English. I have an assistant Thai teacher for each lesson who perpetually shouts and whacks any recalcitrant student with a ruler (pretty damn hard I might add) but the problem at hand is the mai pen rai attitude – it doesn’t matter. This attitude pervades the Thai educational system because every student knows they cannot fail. It boils down to the ‘Thais cannot lose face’ factor, because to fail would result in a loss of face to them and their family. A Western system of detentions, suspensions, and expulsions would quickly solve the problem of the former issue, but would be detrimental to the latter, hence my ever present Thai disciplinarian. Last week, however, I found myself in the situation where my assistant was off ill, and I had to run all my classes by my lonesome. Was left in a conundrum: Do I shout at the top of my voice to no avail? Do I sit down and read a book for an hour and no-one learns anything? Or do I give the most disruptive students a firm ruler-whack to shut them up so that the rest of the class can learn? Well, I went for the latter. It seemed medieval, but they soon got with the program, thus allowing me to give a structured, useful lesson. It’s actually expected of us, because the reason the last company lost their contract with this school was because their classes were a complete circus. And seeing the Thai assistants whack any and every student that gets out of line didn’t make me feel too bad about it. Ultimately, if it means the rest of the class can learn, it’s the only way forward.
Am referring to only a handful of classes however; normally my primary students will suddenly pay attention after a healthy ruler slap to one of their desks, thus not doling out real punishment. Whether it’s right of wrong, I simply won’t waste an hour attempting to shout over the din.
Only teach at the Government School on Tues/Wed/Fri, but am chokablocked with evening lessons on evenings and all day at the weekends. I’ve read that any English teacher in Thailand should not be exceeding 100 hours contact time a month, but I’ll hit over 150 by the end of December. Factor in no paid holiday, quite a few unpaid holidays (Christmas being one; I’m working at the government school) and though it equates to a decent salary, it affords little time for socializing. Have therefore prescribed to the philosophy of “work hard, play hard”. Yes, I may occasionally turn up to the first lesson of the morning feeling the effects of the night before, but it doesn’t impede my ability to teach, and putting it candidly, I didn’t come to Thailand to work my arse off; I could’ve done that at home. On weekends, I teach much older, more advanced students at the private language school, and this allows me to progress as a teacher. During the week I still enjoy teaching the kids, and the combination of the two is extremely useful for gaining experience.
Yesterday, we had to act like clowns as part of the school’s Christmas PR stunt, but I didn’t really mind it. Have to work on the 25th (Xmas day isn’t a public holiday when the entire population is Buddhist) but they do recognize the Western New Year, and I’ll have five days off during that. Probably going to get out of Bangkok and soak up some sunshine on the beaches of Pattaya.
Will be my first Xmas/New Year away from friends and family, but I can't wait to see both again in 2016.